When life gives you lemons you make mother fucking lemonade! Excuse my profound language, but do bear in mind that despite me being a mormon, my blog is not for the faint hearted. (I like to keep it real on this blog, and although some may not appreciate me cursing, I find that it's my way of venting out my frustrations.) This week has been incredibly hard for me, I feel like I have been fighting some inner demons; that just won't seem to go away, and despite my eagerness to curve these trials in life. I just keep getting smacked right in the face with them, and they are constant and reoccurring. I'd like to think of myself as a really positive girl who sees the best in life, but I'd be lying to you if I said this was me 100% of the time, I wouldn't say I'm a negative person but I do tend to override life with seeing the bad before the good. I feel so inadequate at the moment with where I am in life, and feel like I constantly question whether I'm making the right choices, because I honestly don't feel any kind of peace with myself. People say that, comparison is the biggest killer of self-esteem, and I can testify of that, but it's so hard to avoid when you are constantly having things shoved in your face and people asking you when you're going to achieve these "milestones" that people talk about. But like I said in the beginning, when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. Work with what you've got and see where it gets you. The wonderful thing about life is that regardless of whether your religious or not each and every decision you make in life is done with faith, we will never know the outcomes of our decisions until we make them, and that's where "faith" falls into place, because faith is built through action and with the hopes that our decisions lead to growth. Whether those decisions lead us to success or failure isn't important, because life is about taking that leap of faith and seeing where it takes you. 

I write this currently with heavy eyes and a heavy heart. I am so grateful to be apart of such an amazing establishment! If anything I have never been part of a family that is so centred around putting others before ourselves. It feels so good to know that one act of service can transform the life of someone else forever. Yesterday made me realise just how incredibly short life is, six people lost their lives because three individuals thought that it would be fun to go and terrorise the streets of London purely because they want to inject fear into people. When I got the news about the events that happened in London it honestly broke my heart. Despite the ill acts of these individuals London stands united we will not let the ill acts of hate overtake the power of LOVE we have for each other despite what these horrid men did they will not divide what we celebrate so much in London, diversity and multiculturalism. We refuse to let one act of hate paint a false picture of great Muslim men and women who live amongst others peacefully!

In the garden of Gethsemane Christ kneeled down and prayed to his father pleading for him to show him mercy, it was during this moment that the world would grow to know of injustice as a man innocent of the claims against him would be punished to death so that you and me could avoid the stings of death. Easter goes beyond chocolate covered eggs and easter bunnies it's a reminder of the highest form of charity. John 3:16 reads "For God loved the world he gave his only begotten son, that whoso ever believeth in him should not perish, but have ever lasting life" in other words he sacrificed what he loved so that we could have joy. Regardless of whether you are religious or not this holiday season is for you to remember that we find joy by serving the needs of others before ourselves joy does not come from feeding our own desires, but feeding those of others.
I haven't really spoken about myself or ever given you an introduction to who I am.  These about me sections always make me feel uneasy, because I never know what to say, but I'm going to give it a go. I'm Barbara ' B' most people call me Queen B (LOL JK I am not cool enough for that!) I am 22 year old Mormon "Surprise we're not all white! Some of us have chocolate smooth skin" I'm literally LOLing right now, I am known for being incredibly sarcastic and incredibly monotone. Unfortunately I was not blessed with that soprano voice so can't sing most church hymns because they're not in my vocal range.  Kanye West, is my hero controversial I know but why not? Side note I also love Justin Bieber, I feel like a lot of people filter themselves to accustom or be perceived in a certain manner, but I've always tried my best to be honest. I'm not into popularity not for me never heard of her.  Christopher Nolan, is my fave director isn't he everybody's? I am clumsy as hell if I'm not falling on the floor I'm slipping up in some other manner (I am probably the most socially awkward person you'll meet) most people think because of my confident nature that this could never be possible, well I am here to tell you that it's defiantly not the case! I love In N Out Burger, but sadly the Lord did not bless London with such holiness. My faviroute super hero is the Batman I love drinking baby drinks, because I mean why not? I think that's all for now I hope this was worth reading, until next time!

I made it to my twenty second year of life and how grateful I am to God, for keeping me a live boy oh boy has it been a rocky road but I can assure you that if I could I wouldn't change one thing. Despite things  not always going my way I have been shaped into the woman I am because of every trial and error.  I am grateful for love and I am grateful for life and the family and friends and people who have walked in and out of my life, because you have all taught me who to be and what not to be. Guys if I could give you one piece of advice it would to be to make the most of life it is so incredibly short and unpredictable. Last year I was smacked with a lot of shocking events that really helped penetrate in my head just how important it is to value life and the people in it. I'm learning that popularity isn't anything to aspire if it means crushing others around you. Being nice to people is also important (I'm working on this I am not a horrible person but I'm not as nice as I could be) we don't know what people are going through and we don't know what peoples breaking points are don't be that person to add the sh*t to someone else's life. Travel and explore beyond yourself if you have the financial means do it! There is so much culture to delve yourself into and it will really help you see the world differently. If you don't like your job quit! "Do what you love and love what you live" life's way to short to be working in a field you have no passion for! Most importantly live a life that you'd be proud of my greatest word of wisdom would be to understand that money isn't everything it shouldn't be the only driving force in your life it comes and goes. What matters are the people and you!
I'm not dead I've just been busy working that 9-5 job that people use to tell me about (well 6:00pm in my case) and its super intense but I'm starting to love this new job. I previously worked in retail, and hated it with a passion! The things you have to deal with in retail will honestly work in your favour long term, because honestly if I had not had that experience I would've honestly quit my internship the first week, retail helps you build the thick skin that you'll need in any other demanding job (shoutout to those who know what I'm talking about). There's so much to SMM (Social Media Marketing) that I was so naive about. I honestly use to think it was simply taking photos and uploading them with some written content. Oh how wrong I was! Way more complex than that. I work on SMM so I'm constantly having to invent new ideas for content that people will like, as well as building up marketing strategies to pitch to a client it's hard but I'm learning It's crazy to think about how much I've learnt in just two weeks. So for the most part I'm learning  and growing so this will do me great wonders, in the future. A little side note, one thing I need to make mention of to anybody reading this is that you are capable of anything, if you have something you are passionate about go and get it. People may laugh at you or think your incapable of achieving such things, but remember the greatest revenge is success. I told myself last year that I would get a new job in SMM and look where I am now, trust me it wasn't easy and I in no way do I want to give off that impression, but what I will say is that anything you put your mind to is possible! You just need to have a goal and something to push you. The sky honestly is the limit and I have so many amazing adventures that I cannot wait to devour myself in! I hope your all having an amazing week!
"If you can't love yourself, how the hell can you expect to love anyone else?" - Ru Paul With Valentines day approaching this quote couldn't be more relatable to those that are both single and coupled. On the 14th of February I will be spending my time and money on me, myself and I. Valentines day has been turned into this money making industry where we're made to feel that love is defined by how many crimson roses one receives from her boyfriend or the idea that if you're single this day is exclusively for couple couples only. This Valentines day whether your coupled or single really learn the value of self worth know what you deserve and have the knowledge to know different. Remember that self love equates to love for others! Wishing you all a happy Valentines day x

This year I'm trying to take my camera on as much adventures with me as possible whether they be big or small. I'm going to have my camera on the ready. Me and Debora visited this light art exhibition on Monday down at Canary Wharf to watch the rainbow coloured lights light up the cold streets of London, as you can see through the pictures it was very beautiful to look at, but the images don't tell you how freaking cold it was LOOOL pardon my language, but I mean seriously London can you warm up already! despite the blistering cold winds we pushed forward to look at all of the lights and it was worth it I mean besides my constant biggering and tantrums I really did enjoy the lights (Debora if you're reading this apologies for being a walking juke box).

If you know me personally I absolutely hate waiting, but patience isn't about standing still waiting for a pivotal moment in your life to happen, but rather a process that requires you to move forward. I am currently in a stage of life where I'm working in a job that I don't have any passion for (side note retail is basically slave labour lol). I've finished university and trying to the whole adult thing by paying bills and basically trying to get through every month without having a mental breakdown. For the most part I am positive about the future I know that this stage of life is not permanent; and sooner or later a company will want me to be part of their team. But with that being an adult is hard especially when people are constantly asking you why you haven't done this and that and completely bypassing the fact that things don't just fall out of the sky, and these things although annoyingly long require patience. I've been through stages since graduating which have really had me questioning sometimes whether I am failing in life, because I haven't reached that point in life that everybody else on social media seems to brag about. Then I have to remind myself that I am where I am for a reason and to let go of those feelings of negativity and thoughts of doubt that  come to mind; because I know I will get where I need to be eventually, and to anyone else reading this remember things don't happen over night. Just like Rome wasn't' built in one day neither will progress in life. These things take time remember that you've got this! Keep hustling to get where you need to be!
This year was one big surreal blur so much happened in such a small frame of time and it honestly took me by surprise at some points. From my friends suicide to finishing school and then being in a job where I was unhappy and getting paid the bare minimum. For months I was questioning myself and God about where he wanted to take me in life. My relationship with church was deteriorating I mean I was going to church literally having to drag myself there. I've never once doubted whether the gospel is true, but during that time it wasn't really what I cared for. So much was happening to others around me and I felt completely useless if I'm honest. It hurt so much knowing that there was nothing I could do to change their situations. If anything 2016 taught me to be grateful for life and to take full advantage of it. God has opened my eyes and taught me to value those that value me this isn't to say that I shouldn't love my neighbour, but more so to understand that that seeking thee approval of others is a waste of time especially if it's for something as small as popularity. If I could take anything from this year it would be to love life and live it to the fullest. When I got the news about my friends death it seriously crushed my world, but it was the first time that God helped me realise that beyond self there are others that are hurting! I came yo God with a broken heart and he helped me heal those wounds I am so grateful for the journey he took me on this year. This year helped me realise just how much I needed him to help me. I had neglected myself from his love simply because I believed I was less deserving, but this goes out to everyone no matter how bad the sin or how much you may fall the Lord will always be there to support you. He has never given up on me and I will never give up on him, because of it. I am no way the best christian but my sins are honest my heart is genuine and I know the Lord understands my journey. To 2017 I hope I learn more, grow more and live more!

I remember this night like it was yesterday. Unfortunately I have not been able to upload all the images from the night, because they didn't make the cut let's blame that to my bad photography. I would also like to thank Katy, for being the only person I've ever handed my camera to who has been able to get the subjects in focus! Freencky, who is proudly photobombing the images above organised a get together with some people from church where we all got to watch the sky light up with rainbow coloured lights. I mean it was pretty lit, no pun intended! The night ended with everyone going their separate way tripping in heals being swarmed into an ocean of people all fighting their way to the train station, running for a train that wasn't coming and lastly returning home!
Dear Barbara,
You're going to be okay, enjoy being young because you won't be young for long. You'll wake up one day and realise that time didn't wait for you to catch those opportunities! Grab them while you can and don't let go of them. Learn to say yes to things that scare you those things will help you grow the most. If you're gonna go broke make sure to spend that money on experiences nothing can even come into comparison to those tender moments you share with people the places you visit and the change it brings to your heart. Popularity is overrated you don't need to be the most popular girl with the biggest group of friends remember quality over quantity is key. Don't waste your time trying to impress people. Bullying is disgusting don't do it don't stoop that low you are bigger than that. Remember to be nice you don't know what people are going through. Remember how you treat others is a reflection on how you feel about yourself! It's okay to be sad don't ever feel guilty for showing your emotion but don't dwell on sadness don't let sadness consume you. Let go of your pride and learn to forgive grudges are a bigger burden on yourself than they are to those that cause you harm. Your relationship with God is the most important relationship you'll ever have trust him and the path he has set for you thank him in both good and bad times. Don't be afraid to let go of friends that don't have your best interest.  You can't help everyone so don't put that burden on yourself don't let other peoples burdens become your problems. Love those who have no love for you back it will show what kind of person you are! DO NOT EVER BE A HYPOCRITE live by the words that you speak and stand proud. Make sure that you live to your fullest potential remember you only have one chance on this earth live the life you love. You can't win all the time don't be hard on yourself. Family is important love them let them know they are loved don't take them for granted. Your mom is your rock and your world you would be nothing without her. Last but not least life is short be happy and merry it will be hard at times but remember you've got this!
Now although I've never actually taken any other wedding photos except these. It was honestly such a joy photographing these two once everyone else went to the reception,  usually people tend to get shy or really stiff once it's just me them and the camera, but these two were naturals followed direction well and honestly made my job so easy. What's even better is the fact that I was able to share such a special moment in their life and document it so that they could visualise it forever, this is what makes me love photography so much, when done right it can bring so much joy to others. I was trusted by one of the most amazing friends on the planet to take her wedding photos, and here are some of the images. The whole day was a bit chaotic trying to get photos in and everything, but it was defiantly a learning experience for me. I have so much for wedding photographers, because they have a lot weighing on their shoulders and could potentially make or break someones special day. I don't think I will do another wedding until I have all the right equipment, now although I got some great images and had some ideas of what and how I wanted to shoot. I would say that I defiantly still need sharpen up on my skills.

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